AirPod Paranoia

AirPod Paranoia

Take care of your shit, y'all

People are really irresponsible and paranoid, judging by their reactions to Apples AirPod announcement.

Kirk McElhearn must live in some dystopian society where people are literally snatching electronics out of your cranial orifices:

I can also see that, as you get on a bus or subway, someone grabs at one of your AirPods to snatch it, and you’re listening only to one channel of music for the rest of the day.

Matt Lynley at TechCrunch has a whole paranoid fantasy about how you’ll lose them, including multiple kitchen atrocities:

Falling onto a burner while cooking.

Dropped into a garbage disposal.

and, inexplicably:

Thinking the battery is broken and the case is dead only to find out you forgot to charge the case, and throwing it away.

Someone show Matt what a battery meter looks like. Oh wait, Jim Dalrymple already did.

Loop Insight

Popular Mechanics, once you scroll past the “17 iPhone Tricks to Make Your Life Easier” persistent header, seems to think taking care of your property is such a chore:

but you’ll have to deal with them every time you take them out of your ears

(emphasis theirs)

The Verge, after loading no less than 18 trackers and ad “services” thinks:

It’ll roll down a drain, or get stepped on by another runner. A squirrel will steal it and taunt you from out of reach.

That squirrel is a dick.

Then, there’s the cesspool that is Twitter.

I have a simple solution to all of this:

  1. If you think $159 is too expensive (it’s not), DON’T BUY THEM.
  2. If you try them on and they don’t fit, DON’T BUY THEM.
  3. If you’re terribly irresponsible and can’t keep track of a $159 gadget, DON’T BUY THEM.
  4. If you think radio waves cause brain damage DON’T BUY THEM.
  5. If you think removing the headphone jack is a money grab and you’re bitter DON’T BUY THEM.

but…

  1. If they fit, and you can afford them, and you embrace our inevitable wireless future, go ahead and order a pair. You can always return them

See? Simple.

Now if only I could find that AppleTV remote…